WHAT AM I DOING? VS. WHAT DO I WANT?
When I was younger I heard a lot about how my twenties would be a confusing time. I was 18, just starting my first semester of college and I laughed it off. Up until my freshman year I had goals. I knew what I wanted. Student Body President? Check. Varsity Tennis Captain? Check. 4.0 GPA and my dream college? Check. How would my twenties be any different?
In my last year of college two of my favorite professors (and my State Farm agent) asked what I planned to do after college. My only response was “I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.” All of them responded the exact same way with a smile and said, “Nobody does.” It’s funny how a response like that can be so comforting yet so discouraging.
After graduating, I remember feeling so accomplished but so confused. I constantly asked myself “What am I doing? Do I even have a plan?” I realize now I asked those questions because they were easy to answer. The answer was that I didn’t know, but I had time to figure it out.
Since I graduated a year early I watched my friends navigate through their last year while I spent it working. I started to change my view on things. Instead of lamenting over the fact that I “didn’t know what I was doing with my life,” I started to ask myself “What do I want?” This was a much harder question to answer. I could read LinkedIn article after LinkedIn article about how to never work a day in your life, or how to find a career you love, but when it comes down to it I had to decide for myself.
As of now I only have one answer to that question. I want to have a job and live a life that will have a positive impact on others. Is it a great answer? No, but it’s a good way to test if I’m really happy with what I’m doing.
I think with the pressure of finances and family commitments among other responsibilities, we start to forget what we really want. We start to shift our focus. Our priorities change. But I hope you never stop checking in with yourself. Are you working somewhere that feels gratifying? Are you seeing positive impacts in the work you do? Are you pursuing at least one passion?
The reality of it is that we’ll never get everything we want in this life, but if we give up too quickly we risk being stuck in a vicious cycle of work and a life that’s nothing but paying the bills. I hope you pursue your passion one day. Maybe not now, but when the timing feels right, pursue what you really want. I’m cheering for you.